Random delights

So far the summer goal to expand on this blogging hobby has failed. There have been many times when things have been blog worthy (and of course in my eyes -- everything) and I would keep a mental note of it, only to dismiss it later as a result of being too lazy to write an elaborate report on it. I always feel the need to explore further into the topic (like trying to be deep or sum'in ....) but I find that this approach has begun to feel like a chore and I just cannot afford to sit on my ass for that long while the sun is shining and there are a billion things to prepare for in the next month! Maybe this is why people 'tweet' instead? Hahahah I can already see the gals giving me da beesh eyebrownz ... mad smhz!

CONFESSION: now that I have a crackberry, I may or may not jot stuff down in memos sometimes when they come to mind hahahahaha seriousssssssly who the hell do I think I am?? Wow. Sorry, I can't help it that I have something to say about everything. Hahahahah whole new level baby!

Random thoughts in the last few weeks [short versions lol]:

- Biggest loser finale BOOYAH go Mike (lost 264 lbs; 50.4% body fat ... CRAAZEH!!!). Another amazing, heartfelt and inspirational season. I had

never been one to cry easily but the amount of tears that have poured outta me seems to increase ten-folds w/ each year. Who am I and is this what they call 'growth'?? Ick. I am becoming such a sensitive creature who is apparently getting more in touch with her 'inner self'. Double ick (Lies, I freaking love it and will embrace the heck out of it!!). Seeing people shed these insane numbers after triumphing over so many obstacles and personal struggles is mind-blowing, motivating and also a confirmation that anything is possible through the strongest of will and perseverance.

- Losing it With Jillian Michaels -- FML. Tuesday nights continue to be cryfests (first BL, now this). "Why are you going to choose failure when success is an option?" ... "Now you're at crossroads, make a different choice." I have no words .... only tears and the drive to live a better life. And maybe the slightest wish that she would magically appear at our house too for some much needed life-coaching. Jilliannnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!

- Saw an ice-cream truck on-the-go with music blaring and a bunch of kids (and a couple fatties much like us) chasing after it. The excitement and happiness in their faces made me wanna frolic along with them. It got me thinking back to the last time when I felt this genuinely

happy. Hmmmm. Ooooh right, when I finally got ma leopard-print Snuggieeee!!!!! Hahahaha. 'Never lose your childlike wonder' (Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture). The drive to achieve more and get further in life because we kept our curiosity, had no worries, knew no limits, continued to explore, lived simply and remained thirsty for life. Stuck with me since I read the book last year ... next possible tattoo?? (Not the pic, though cute hahaha). Loved loved loved that book. He suggested for us to keep a crayon in our pockets at all times so that we could be reminded of the smell of childhood to bring us back whenever we felt stuck. Well then I guess I better start buying clothes with pockets big enough to fit boxes of Pocky, fruit roll-ups and Dilly Bars!!! Fotty fotty fotty.

- Sometimes I feel like there is more to do living in a small town than in a big city. Love nature. The world has turned.

- Definitely getting cholera in Nairobi. Dukarol still sitting on table ... a packet of brown powder that fizzes when put in water and tastes really bad. First dose supposed to be taken on May 15th. Annnnd it continues to sit. FML.

Time is winding down, summer is finally about to truly begin.

3 days until cottage weekend with lovely London girls ...

5 days until reuniting with sister after 4 longass years + meeting future brother-in-law ...

7 days until being declared a 'grown up' at convocation and partying with the best people I've ever met one last time ...

10 days until vegas!!

18 days until experience of a lifetime in Nairobi!!!!!!!

Let the good times roll!! :)

Blogloglogloglog

Sunshine and 28 degrees alas! About time the weather decided to get its sh*t together … finally starting to feel a lot like summa summa! Since I am currently spoiled and unemployed before the humanitarian adventures begin in exactly one month (eeek!), perfect time to pick up my slack and start this secret hobby of blogging again (no secret, really). It keeps me on my toes, ya know (more like on my butt), so my brain doesn’t rust away during this time of nothingness. How do people with no jobs or school make it through? I need a purpose in life! No better way to get some down time, refrain from spending (especially in Tdot) and soak in some Vitamin D than writing at my favourite Starbucks patio with a shaken iced green tea. :)

At the beginning of May during a routine Chapters browse after Starbucks run (obvi), I picked up two books to fill that empty void from the lack of reading that was happening. Crazy talk, right? I know. But following months of being glued to lecture notes and textbooks, it had almost become a conditioned response – wake up, read, do pushups while reading, eat and read, read til I sleep [die], even my dreams were in words so I had to read what I was dreaming about [hahaha]! Now that I didn’t have to do it anymore, little bursts of transient anxieties would creep up on me (“….I should be studying right now. No wait, done undergrad. Nvm. Now what?”). I could either start therapy for becoming a nut or I could just surrender to the fact that I’ve unknowingly grown to become someone who is in need of continual ‘intellectual stimulation’. Hahahaha what a joke! Anyway, the two books I bought were ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ (classic that I’ve always wanted to read, 25% off, clear sign that it was meant to be) and the other, ‘The Happiness Project”, purely because the cover was blue/yellow/happy – it sent out good vibes, know what I’m sayin?

I initially started to read them at the same time, only realizing that my focus would not allow me to do so. Rather than helping me relax, it was stressing me out like mad (you know you need to do something with your life when …. ). I chose to read the happy one first, obvi, since I’d been obsessed with anything happy this year ($9 ‘Be Happy’ smiley face tank top from Forever 21 = best summer buy yet!). It’s a memoir of how the author strived to boost her happiness by setting goals each month for a year, despite already living a pretty fulfilled life. She wanted to 'change her life without changing her life’ …. making little changes for big results. Word up sista .... I dig! Yes, one of those ‘wellness books’ that you will probably laugh at but secretly LOVE. Anyway, halfway through …. inspired, laughing, new perspectives, loving life :) . Especially because ‘launching a blog’ was a part of her resolutions. Haaaa, one step ahead!

I guess this is my way of fulfilling the childhood dream of wanting to become an author. Yes, I, BLAM, wanted to write for a living. Scary. After putting my ultimate dream of becoming a paleontologist on hold, I started writing my own versions of Cinderella and Snow White in grade 2 (in which they both died because ‘happy endings are just stories that hadn’t finished yet’ hahah that was from somewhere …. I know, morbid child). Things went well which then led me to eventually branch out and write my own stories. The one about monkey flowers was an instant hit. Serious stuff, really, hahah. My grade 1/2 teacher, Mr. Inkpen (yes, that was legit his last name …. RIP :(), enjoyed my twisted stories so much he would type them up after suggesting less disheartening endings and post them on the classroom wall.

Of all the kids, he chose to select someone like myself to be a part of the ‘Authors Showcase’. Srs, bro?!?!? It was an evening held at the end of every month that was dedicated to young ‘aspiring authors’ where we were given the opportunities to share our ‘published books’ with each other, teachers and parents. Of course, ‘published’ was loosely defined as having them written up nicely on blank paper in PEN (wowow!!), illustrations aka stick figures, pasted onto construction pages, stapled, et voila! My stories, for some reason, always generated mixed feelings and left some mothers with their jaws hanging. Haterssss. It never phased me though. I knew from the start that I was far beyond their years and that they just needed time to catch up with my imagination.

Anyway, I ultimately gave up on being an author as well. Let’s face it – I don’t enjoy the library, I cried everytime they made me read in elementary, I hate Shakespeare, and I will never be able to ‘weave my words together like a literary seamstress’ (kill me). I can try, but they will always turn out like Kate Gosselin’s weaves – busted ass.

I’m okay with that.

Until then, I guess I will just stick to blogging.

:)

"Are you happy?"

No matter where you went or what you did this Reading Week, I hope you all paid as close attention to the Olympics as I did. I mean come on, giant spirit bears, flamboyant male figure skaters, bold fashion choices (re: Norwegian men’s curling team .. sweet pants dudes) … what is there NOT to love?? Ice dance haters, please step aside. Virtue and Moir FTW!!!

While it was hard for us city girls to be away from the internet, it was nice to live without it for the few days we were gone to get extreme on the slopes. Such a temporary relief not having to worry about important emails that might change my life plans, mandatory online discussion posts on topics I really wished I had more interest in (enviro bio … ack!), and -- I’d never thought I’d say this, but-- facebook. Not getting sucked into the urge of creeping into other people’s biznazzes or seeing what they wanted from me was kinda nice. Don’t take offense, I love you all. I just needed a break k. Smh J.

Anytime a chance arises for a getaway, you know I’m all over it. Procrastination on life? YES, PLEASE. Pretending for a moment that ‘real life’ ceases to exist … mmmm. Savouring every bit of freedom and for the while, just really living in the moment and truly enjoying the company of those whom you love and care about the most and vice versa (y’all betta!). I approve.

Sometimes, that is also all it takes to get your life back on track if, somehow, you had managed to fall off.

During one of those heart-to-heart pillow talks just before drifting away in my Cheetah-print Snuggie, I was caught off guard by a very simple, yet direct, question:

“Bons, are you happy?”

…. Silence. Huh?

“I’m asking you … are you happy?”

I had to ask her to repeat a third time. No, not because earwax had gotten the best of my ears. I heard her. I just couldn’t answer her.

“Are. You. Happy?”

Hmmm. So simple a question, yet I felt the weight of those three words lingering with complexity and confusion.

“You laugh and stuff but I don’t feel like you’re happy. It seems like you’re just passing by. You’re not yourself.”

Ouch. Whoever said that “the best mirror in life is an old friend” was no joke. It only takes one friend to hit you with what you’ve been trying so hard to run away from – the truth.

While I hated the fact that she was right, she had finally forced me to come face to face with those emotions that had all along been too overwhelming to swallow. I didn’t think you had it in you, Num. Hats off.

In the words of Jim Dickey, the awesome man who has revived my love for BIOMECH (wow, who would’ve ever thought), there are always two answers to every question. In the immediate surrounding – yes, I was very happy. But at the end of the day when this question re-presented itself freely and honestly, the answer did not seem as optimistic as it once did.

For whatever reason, I had become deeply unfulfilled, uninspired, and lost. While at first struggling to figure out the root of the cause, it had finally become clear that I’d fallen so deep into a trap, becoming stuck in a rut. I had gone astray from – for lack of better words – my ‘true self’ (barf).

I think it is fair to say that I am usually one of the more optimistic people you’d meet.

I am happiest when things are simple … when I’m ‘chill’ because I don’t sweat the small (definitely ripped that off some Ne-Yo song).

I am happiest when I study for the purpose of learning and not to meet some deadline or expectation.

I am happiest when I enjoy being a goof with my friends without acting like a total idiot.

I am happiest when I am helping other people for the sense of purpose it brings me and not to calculate for any returns.

I am happiest when I show my family that I love them as much as they love me.

I am happiest when I know that I love being with people but also that I am okay with being alone.

I am happiest when I don’t let my problems become other people’s problems.

I am happiest when I am not being judgmental towards others and most importantly, towards myself.

I am happiest when I remain a kid at heart without being childish.

And lastly, I am happiest when I am absolutely loving, living and embracing all these things that make me, me.

When did I start taking life so seriously??

Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in our immediate problems that we begin to lose sight of what’s really important. It only takes 21 days to form a habit. Stay miserable for a month and you become a miserable person. Girl, I am not down for that. SNAP OUT OF IT THAT STUFF IS CONTAGIOUS!

“It's easy to be defined by our problems -- and scary to let go of them.” Fix the ones you can and learn from those you can’t. Be confident in the direction you’re going in, ‘impossible’ is just an excuse for those who lack strength and perseverance. Learn to let go when you must, but NEVER lose faith.

Life is not always going to be sunshine and lollipops, but how you choose to react to it will dictate how it unfolds. Attitude is key … you have the power to choose. Once again like Dickey said, ‘You have a brain, USE IT’. I love that man so much.

Though you will always be trying to overcome some kind of obstacle, brush away the surface and dig deep. Ask yourself at the end of each day: “Are you happy?” “Would you have done anything differently?“ If you are honest with yourself, you will find that those few words may potentially turn your world around.

So Num, to answer your question …. "Are you happy?"

Not 100%, but I am definitely on my way to a speedy recovery :).

Out with the old, in the with new ... herro 2010.

Question -- You know when you've had too good a night to sleep because your head won't stop spinning and you feel like you're gonna hurl from all the drinks and noms you'd destroyed during the night, but can't recall exactly how much and what it was you'd obliterated (I taste Cognac...fml)? Yeah bwoi, that's what's up. Happy New Year everyone. :)

Perhaps it would've been more sentimental to reflect upon the year on its last day, but celebrations tend to get in the way :). This is what January 1st is for though .... no better time to look back than when you're lying half dead in your bed with the worst hangover of life/still drunk, trying to put pieces together from the previous night and wondering where the HELL that 'vintage', naked, hairy looking mans -- who is now your phone wallpaper btw -- came from. Ohhhh right .... a deck of Chippendales cards circa 1986 ..... I think I saw your dad. Har har jk ;)! Needless to say, it was a very, very, good night.

Speaking for myself ... when asked ('acks-ed lololol) about my year, the reflex is usually to nod my head in a rare, matter-of-fact manner with a messed up expression on my face (story of my life) before lifting my very broad shoulders and answering with a simple, 'not bad', then finishing with a prolonged psycho bitch smile 8). Totally hot.

No offense, but let's call a spade a spade. People asking are never really interested.

X: "Oh hey Bon, how was your year?"

Me: *nod* *face* "Not ba...."

X: "That's so awesome! But hey listen can you do me a favour and do this and this for me? I GTG YOU'RE THE BEST PEACE OUT!"

Me: .......... Fail.

Hahahaha jk .... I am sure that is just the story of my life. FML.

2009 -- I can't even remember it already. But thanks to facebook and the huge role it plays in my life, tracing back is as easy as a wall post/photo album/status update away! Afterall, you know what they say -- 'It ain't official 'til it's Facebook official!' Har har har. So uh yeah, new year's resolution: get a life. 8)

2009 was a tough one but nevertheless a good one. All those times agonizing over weekly midterms, ridiculous final schedules, ugly grad photos, life planning, grad school apps, the monster that is bio 290 and quality time spent in cubicles thinking we'd never see the light of day again ... were NOTHING compared to all the wild times at Lucy's, Ceeps, Shoemaker's class, jumping out of plane, summer times, sloppy birthdays, getting fit then fat then fit again of course (harhar), making new friends, bonding with the old etc etc. All in all, a definite year of growth. Precursor to the rest of our lives .... eek!

As 2010 is, well, here ... I wish for myself and everyone else nothing but happiness (lame), seriousness, total wildness, and swine-lessness aka MORE OF LAST YEAR PLEASE (minus eye twitches and of course not if you were, in fact, plagued with the swine) =)=)=). But most importantly to grads, I wish that we hear soon of our acceptance to grad school (come onnnn Althouse) because we are obviously hot shit and there is no reason for them to need that much, if any, time at all. We are clearly the right choice, bros. And for those who still don't know what they wanna do with their lives ...... I wish you all the luck in the world with Tova. And please remember to make your charts.

That is all.

Peace. Love. Asian.

Welcome 2010.

The pictures make it real.

(8) As we go on ... we remember .... all the times we've had together ...(8) VITAMIN C FTW!!!!

Grades 6, 8, 12, and now 4th year of uni . . . that's a lot of freaking milestones. I originally re-downloaded this song for shits and giggles but it appears as if I am still forever lame (surprise surprise) because i am STILL choking back soft, soft sobs everytime I hear it. Don't even lie to yourself, you know you are too.

Like everyone else, I've been in denial about this whole graduation shenanigan -- that is until we got the grad photos back. Oh it's happening alright. If these pics were reflections of my university experiences, then it very well seems as if my 4 years were filled with perspiration, discomfort, bad hair, waves of smelly smelly poo (london = farmland, makes sense), and short/'nuff mans'/cleavage-spilling friends .... hmmm sounds about right. YEE-HAW. Welcome to my life.

The thought of being done school is mind-numbingly scary. I mean, shoot, being a teacher's pet is all I've ever known!! The possibility of having my own little suck-ups soontimes is just too grown-up for me to handle .... SHIVERS.

I know we've graduated a bunch of times, each time so pumped to march out in uniform to a less than impressive band playing 'pomp and circumstance' ..... but this time feels especially different (like I've said every other time, but that's the way life should be!). A little perplexed, a little worried, and a hell of a lot of uncertainties. Nom nom nom.

For instance, it'd be pretty sweet if you could help answer these questions for me:

- Where do I go from here?

- Teacher's college/masters/take a year off to work in foreign lands next year?!

- Is it even possible to live a fulfilling life without Lucy's or random encounters with Glen Belfry?!

- Am I gonna see your fug faces again? Ever???

And most importantly .... Where the eff is my future husband whom I should have met by now and start to have gorgeous mixed babies with in a few years?! HUH?!

Questions questions questions. None of which I can answer ... GREAT.

One thing I do know, however, is that .... life is a MYSTÈRE and that's what makes it so freaking exciting. I've never been one to stick to plans made ahead of time, thanks to my impulsive nature, so who knows what may be in store!

Just remember ... it doesn't matter what you do or where you end up as long as ....

..... "Wherever you go, go with all your heart" ♥

[words of wisdom passed along by none other than the 'queen of quotes' herself ;)]

AMEN SISTA!

"I am thankful for .... "

Two nights ago, I stumbled upon my gr 6 journals and proceeded to let this blast from the past consume my sleep time almost entirely. One of my favourite teachers in the world, Mrs. Gray, had made us use the heading, "I am thankful for ...", to write down one thing we were grateful for each and everyday before our actual journal entries. What a brilliant idea. Though mine went along the lines of "I am thankful for playing DDR last night or having 2 fruit rollups for snack today or getting straight A+'s on my last report card (RECOGNIZE hahaha)" .... it was a starting point to get us youngin's to begin exercising our appreciative juices (this sounds way dirtier than intended). Like they say, 'put a little gratitude in your attitude, son!' Now looking back, I'm really glad she made us do that even though half the things i wrote were absolute kaka bs ("I am thankful for this pencil i am writing with" wtf?!? i reallllly doubt i was that happy with it). And this is what I think being a successful teacher is all about -- implementing and enforcing important values into the students' childhood/adolescent years despite their half-assed desires to understand/care about/translate it at the time. 10 years down the road, they will look back at it, realize its significance and holler with the utmost appreciation, "daaang that was a serious teacher right there." But we will hang on to the teacher talk for now -- maybe until after my applications for teacher's college are done ;)!

Contrary to my aunt's beliefs, I do not agree with the fact that we have nothing to be thankful for this year. Indeed, it's been a tough one. Maybe it's my over-optimistic nature, but we just have to extract the positives from the situations. After all, what's done is done and really, what other choice do you have but to move on?

On my 21st thanksgiving day, I say HERRRO and 'GIVE THANKS' for the following:

+ Good health

This year has proven especially how important it is to have a healthy body. If you don't have your health, you don't have anything.

+ Family

Big families always call for big troubles. But when serious shit goes down, none of these matter anymore. Though we're spread throughout the world, we managed to pull together as a unit and tough out the worst times of our lives. It sucked but now we're closer than ever. As it always is, you win some and you lose some .... just hoping this victory outweighs the losses by a million and some.

+ Education

Incredibly thankful for the chance to be able to pursue 'higher education' and to do it away from home. These few years have taught me too much and I cannot continue talking about this without realizing that it's my last year. Hence, this reflection cannot continue at the moment as this big face will soon begin to bawl.

And of course most importantly ....

+ bl.ejm.nq.cm.pcb.ml.jl.

"Sometimes in life there really are bonds formed that can never be broken. Sometimes you really can find that one person who will stand by you no matter what. Maybe you'll find it in a spouse and celebrate it with your dream wedding, but there's also the chance that the one person you can count on for a lifetime, the one person who knows you sometimes better than you know yourself is the same person who's been standing beside you all along." ...... I've got more than one ♥. and yes, i totally just quoted BRIDE WARS AKA BEST MOVIE EVA (you love it).

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

zoom zoom zoom

These weeks are passing by insanely quickly ... holay! I guess that's a good thing though, means I'm keeping busy instead of being a lazy pile and hopefully being productive at the same time (YEAH RIGHT). Mmmkay ... so I guess productivity levels this week were not quite up to par, school-wise. But I was, however, being productive in other areas of my life ... sayyyyy... my social life hahah! Maybe a little too productive in that area ONLY BC shit was going down. I'm terrible, I know. Just had to get it all out before I hibernate for the next three weeks. Ooooh it's about to get sooo stream, son. (Ps. I don't think I've made it through a post without saying 'stream' since I started this blogging business hahaha. Seriously, something stream always happens. Told you, way of life.)

I am still trying to learn to enjoy my mondays and wednesdays. Mostly because I begin my days at 8:30am with a sweet German prof saying things I cannot comprehend (German accents + attempted jokes + early mornings = wow) and end with bio labs on both days at 4:30pm and 5:30pm. Never thought I'd have to do another bio lab course after first year but of course it comes back around and bites me in the ass in my last and final year (maybs). At least we don't have anymore labs that include sitting around and watching fish school from side to side for 3 hours though! That was a definite winner.

Tues - NO CLASSES aka fav day of life! In theory, they should be my most productive days but that never seems to be the case. More like, I have 24 hours to catch up but I would rather only spend 3 of those doing some mindless readings and the rest of the time doing something more exciting. Like this week, tuna and i paid exeter a visit to see her chiro and of course got lost a few times. ROAD TRIP :). People are seriously nice in these small towns ... so nice they think London ppl are rude! Coming from scarborough though, london peeps are like saints to us. And the small towners .... well they're just too good to be true!

Thurs - KINSANITY! Kin pubcrawl -- predrank/ceeps/frog/jim bobs/jack's. Last year i only made it to jack's cuz of child lit exam and bc i was soft and didn't think it was gonna be my scene. Glad i went this year! Good people, good times, bad memory hahah. The best part of it all though was definitely the next morning, watching everyone come into class with death written all over their faces. After 4 years -- seasoned pros. However, it should be noted that answering questions while hungthefrickover/still drunk is probs not the best idear ....

Prof: "So what did the last study conclude?"

J: "Umm it concluded that blood flow was BISEXUAL."

*Kin students die, phys/pharm kids offended*

Prof: ".... you mean BIDIRECTIONAL?!"

J: "I'M STILL DRUNK"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You make my freaking life son!!!!!! I LOVE KIN!!!

Even though we felt like absolute ass the next day, still made it out to erica's birthday. You're lucky we love you!!! Did not drink that much and hence I was the most sober i've ever been at a bar. Shocking. Still fun times though you sexy bitch!! WAY TO DANCE ON THE RANDOM GUYS' TABLE!!! Hahaha u da u da best.

Mantis -- Happy birthday I love you. Owe you please don't be angry ♥.

LOOKING FORWARD TO:

- 1st veebs game tmr ... super comp yayyy i want those purple shirts again!!!!

- studying and working my tailfeather off for the next few weeks :D

- GRAD PHOTOS!!!! face + hair ... WORK WITH ME!!!

- i would say homecoming ... but partying just does not excite me right now hahaha SOFT.

PS. i really should not have time for television but HOW AMAZING WAS HOUSE THIS WEEK!!!