No matter where you went or what you did this Reading Week, I hope you all paid as close attention to the Olympics as I did. I mean come on, giant spirit bears, flamboyant male figure skaters, bold fashion choices (re: Norwegian men’s curling team .. sweet pants dudes) … what is there NOT to love?? Ice dance haters, please step aside. Virtue and Moir FTW!!!While it was hard for us city girls to be away from the internet, it was nice to live without it for the few days we were gone to get extreme on the slopes. Such a temporary relief not having to worry about important emails that might change my life plans, mandatory online discussion posts on topics I really wished I had more interest in (enviro bio … ack!), and -- I’d never thought I’d say this, but-- facebook. Not getting sucked into the urge of creeping into other people’s biznazzes or seeing what they wanted from me was kinda nice. Don’t take offense, I love you all. I just needed a break k. Smh J.
Anytime a chance arises for a getaway, you know I’m all over it. Procrastination on life? YES, PLEASE. Pretending for a moment that ‘real life’ ceases to exist … mmmm. Savouring every bit of freedom and for the while, just really living in the moment and truly enjoying the company of those whom you love and care about the most and vice versa (y’all betta!). I approve.
Sometimes, that is also all it takes to get your life back on track if, somehow, you had managed to fall off.
During one of those heart-to-heart pillow talks just before drifting away in my Cheetah-print Snuggie, I was caught off guard by a very simple, yet direct, question:
“Bons, are you happy?”
…. Silence. Huh?
“I’m asking you … are you happy?”
I had to ask her to repeat a third time. No, not because earwax had gotten the best of my ears. I heard her. I just couldn’t answer her.
“Are. You. Happy?”
Hmmm. So simple a question, yet I felt the weight of those three words lingering with complexity and confusion.
“You laugh and stuff but I don’t feel like you’re happy. It seems like you’re just passing by. You’re not yourself.”
Ouch. Whoever said that “the best mirror in life is an old friend” was no joke. It only takes one friend to hit you with what you’ve been trying so hard to run away from – the truth.
While I hated the fact that she was right, she had finally forced me to come face to face with those emotions that had all along been too overwhelming to swallow. I didn’t think you had it in you, Num. Hats off.
In the words of Jim Dickey, the awesome man who has revived my love for BIOMECH (wow, who would’ve ever thought), there are always two answers to every question. In the immediate surrounding – yes, I was very happy. But at the end of the day when this question re-presented itself freely and honestly, the answer did not seem as optimistic as it once did.
For whatever reason, I had become deeply unfulfilled, uninspired, and lost. While at first struggling to figure out the root of the cause, it had finally become clear that I’d fallen so deep into a trap, becoming stuck in a rut. I had gone astray from – for lack of better words – my ‘true self’ (barf).
I think it is fair to say that I am usually one of the more optimistic people you’d meet.
I am happiest when things are simple … when I’m ‘chill’ because I don’t sweat the small (definitely ripped that off some Ne-Yo song).
I am happiest when I study for the purpose of learning and not to meet some deadline or expectation.
I am happiest when I enjoy being a goof with my friends without acting like a total idiot.
I am happiest when I am helping other people for the sense of purpose it brings me and not to calculate for any returns.
I am happiest when I show my family that I love them as much as they love me.
I am happiest when I know that I love being with people but also that I am okay with being alone.
I am happiest when I don’t let my problems become other people’s problems.
I am happiest when I am not being judgmental towards others and most importantly, towards myself.
I am happiest when I remain a kid at heart without being childish.
And lastly, I am happiest when I am absolutely loving, living and embracing all these things that make me, me.
When did I start taking life so seriously??
Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in our immediate problems that we begin to lose sight of what’s really important. It only takes 21 days to form a habit. Stay miserable for a month and you become a miserable person. Girl, I am not down for that. SNAP OUT OF IT THAT STUFF IS CONTAGIOUS!
“It's easy to be defined by our problems -- and scary to let go of them.” Fix the ones you can and learn from those you can’t. Be confident in the direction you’re going in, ‘impossible’ is just an excuse for those who lack strength and perseverance. Learn to let go when you must, but NEVER lose faith.
Life is not always going to be sunshine and lollipops, but how you choose to react to it will dictate how it unfolds. Attitude is key … you have the power to choose. Once again like Dickey said, ‘You have a brain, USE IT’. I love that man so much.
Though you will always be trying to overcome some kind of obstacle, brush away the surface and dig deep. Ask yourself at the end of each day: “Are you happy?” “Would you have done anything differently?“ If you are honest with yourself, you will find that those few words may potentially turn your world around.
So Num, to answer your question …. "Are you happy?"
Not 100%, but I am definitely on my way to a speedy recovery :).
